The Outbreak

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

This afternoon I dreamt that I was at Chaminade, my old high school. I was outside, in the front of the building, and it was very bright out. They were all over the place. You couldn't really see them--they were just shadows, black shadows in solid form. And I was trying to get in but the doors were locked.

I dodged them and ran around the side of the building, through that little parking lot on the corner. I banged on the door that opens stage left in the auditorium and someone let me in. There were a lot of people inside. I saw Bro. Rupert, my old drama teacher, showing someone how to use a shotgun.

People started ceding a lot of authority to me because I knew how to handle myself in this sort of situation. As I was making my rounds I saw that someone had left the auditorium door that I had come in through open. I went around from classroom to classroom with a bullhorn, instructing people that they had to keep the doors shut and chained. Everyone was very talkative and seemed like they were having a good time so I wasn't sure if they were listening to me.

I guess in order to pray for help, the brothers decided to have a Mass. (This was a Catholic school.) Me and some of my old friends, who were also there, refused to get up and receive Communion. We laughed about it. What were they going to do, give us detention? We were grown-ups now, and besides, had they looked outside lately? There was more to worry about than getting sent to the dean's office. The brother who was ushering laughed too, like "look at the chutzpah these guys have." This was the brother who in real life told our sophomore year religion class that and I quote the Inquisition had some good points.

Real life. This is real life now. It hurts, it hurts so bad. It comes over you in waves, like waves of sick. My chest, my shoulders, my jaw where the saliva pools, my head behind my eyes.

Three things to remember about today: My parents called and got through, and told me their cat had come back, a little scratched up but fine. The phone seemed to go out for good around 11 this morning and it's still not back up. And I accidentally made eye contact with one of them through the window and it didn't run right for the house. Learning.


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