The Outbreak

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Did I mention this yet? When we were in Boston I got in a big fight with my cousin Meg. You can't blame her for being so upset, so I don't. But I just wasn't in the mood to hear how this was America's fault, you know? For the past three or four years I already felt like I was going completely crazy, like the Omega Man. You don't know how it feels to know that everybody you know disagrees with you on something fundamental, something that if they are right and you are wrong makes you stupid, crazy, or evil. I don't think I'm any of those three things. I may be stupid I guess. I have some mental issues too. I've done some evil things, yeah. So maybe I'm wrong. And shit, this is Meg's thing--I remember that one time we were talking about the Simpsons and she kept enthusiastically endorsing the show because of the way it shows how we're all just stupid Americans. But how could this be ANYONE'S fault? It's the tsunami's fault, or the earthquake's fault. Nobody did anything to deserve this. What did that old lady next door do? What did Chris do? What did Ken's mom and Dave's parents and Caitlin's boyfriend's sister do? What did Dr. John in the comment threads do? I guess I should reply directly to him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Everyone I know who's died was killed right away. You hear about the wasting away and it just sounds, like, I don't know, I can't deal with it.

This is probably less coherent than mormal because I am exhausted. Things got much worse around here over the past couple of days. Teach me to be optimistic, ha ha. It was that bigb storm a few days ago. The flooding on the roads cut people off, and when there were accidents no help could reach them, and before long it started to spread and spread. We had revs wandering around the neighborhood for the first time in I don't know how long. I'm worried that it spread that quickly. Those pockets of disaster should have been sealed, shouldn't they? It's like we all just got lucky when things died down. Now I feel like they could get worse at any time, like we're just balanced on a see-saw, and things could get piled on the other end at any moment and things will sink. Or go up, I guess, to follow that particular analogy, go up and buck us off. Anyway I was up all night and I'm still up.

That traffic-accident explanation's too facile. Something must have happened around here, I know. Gas leaks, carbon monoxide, untreated diabetes, heart attacks, falls, untreated cancer, on and on and on.


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