The Outbreak: Another dream

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Another dream

I overhear a girl I knew from work describing that she just had sex, and was still horny so she wanted to use her vibrator, but her batteries were dead. Now I get turned on, so I go look for a place to masturbate. At first my brother is around, so I look for someplace else. Soon I find that I am in one of those enormous institutional settings I'm always in when I dream--some enormous high school/dorm/train station-type thing. This one is more hospital-like than usual, sort of a cross between hospital and high school. Instantly the sexual undercurrent disappears. The building is haunted, and the ghosts usually take the shape of children or animals. I know that the ghosts are evil and want to harm people. I'm in a long, white hall with a brown carpeted floor and wooden handrails along the walls. In the distance an old woman approaches. She's heavyset with stringy red hair, a blue bathrobe and a walker. She's a ghost. I take Amy's hand and we lower our heads, hunkering down, and start walking towards her. We walk faster and faster and I say "we can do this, we can get out of here, we just need to go right THROUGH HER!" and at that moment we walk through her. That was the end of the dream.

When I woke up it was still light out and I could hear sirens, for the first time in days. I thought I heard gunfire too, but I really don't know what the hell "distant gunfire" sounds like. I do know that they are getting more agressive with houses, including this house (I just got done reboarding the patio doors). But this draws them into the open more often, and if things haven't completely fallen apart yet someone could really do some damage to them.

I am tired of feeling sorry for myself as it allows the enormity of this all to smother me. I am not going to take anything anymore. Maybe if I have legitimate trouble sleeping, but that is it. I do not need to become a subtance abuser. I'm out of beer or I'd stop drinking that too. Now I just feel mad, mad mad mad and determined.

Phones went back up. I'm amazed at how much is still functional. These people must be defending their posts like it's the Alamo. I don't want to have to kill anything. I'm mad about it but I'm sorry, I don't/can't.


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