It's not all resurrected dead cannibal misery around here

AMY: I see you haven't shaved this morning.
SEAN: Yep. This is my rally beard.
A: [silence]
S: Because I grew it in hopes that you'd be getting up soon!
A: Your rally beard? Sean, why would you call it your rally beard when you know it has nothing to do with me?
S: Because I'm just kidding around! Ha ha ha!
A: [pause, then gruffly] You are a--
S: [interrupting, protestingly] --a what? No! Not a something mean! A something nice!
A: What makes you think I was going to say something mean?
S: Call it a hunch.
A: What if I was going to say you were a sight for sore eyes?
S: Am I, Amy?
A: [pause] Yes. [pause] You're just also a jackass.


later that day

SEAN: Oh my God, Amy, I totally thought of you on the way to Home Depot--"Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" came on my iPod, and I sang along to the whole thing. And not only do I not know ANY of the words except "don't stop 'til you get enough" and that at one point he says "eternal," the whole thing is ALSO in falsetto. So I sang along to EVERY WORD, loudly, in complete gibberish, in falsetto--your four least favorite things for me to do while singing along to a song. If you were there, you would have jumped out of the car while it was still moving. You know, and done one of those barrel rolls on the pavement.
AMY: I'd have jumped out and hit the ground running. To keep up the momentum. [pause] No, actually, I would have thrown you out of the car.
S: What, like undone my seatbelt and kicked me out with both feet?
A: No, sorta like roll you up in a little ball and slam dunk you off a bridge. Or maybe just into a passing convertible. [pause] Or hog-tie you. You know, hog-tie you? [mimics giving a hog-tied Sean the old "on three: one, two, THREE" heave-ho out of the car]


and finally

SEAN: [standing in the corner of the living room, silently making chopping motions]
AMY: What are you doing?
S: Karate chops.
A: Why?
S: Because of my skills.
A: What skills?
S: My skills as a karate chopper.
A: ...
S: This is going on the blog, isn't it?
A: Well now you're just deliberately saying things ridiculous enough to post about.


Real-life conversations, verbatim, people! Such light-hearted frivolity! Post your own in the comments! Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!