Pa-Pa

My grandfather died yesterday.

It wasn't the nightmare scenario; my grandmother was able to get away in time, and neighbors did what had to be done, though even then I'm told there was no sign he had succumbed.

Amy and I had gone to see them just this past weekend. It's harder to get out there than you might think but it's not impossible, and we'd been meaning to do it for a while, so finally we did. We had a wonderful time, just sitting around, fixing lunch, chit-chatting and listening to music. Grandma and Pa-Pa also knew Josiah, so they were able to relate when I told them of my worries, worries now confirmed of course. But aside from that unpleasantness, it was just delightful. He was so funny--a jolly fellow, as Amy likes to call him--and seemed so healthy, though we knew that his health problems would be serious bad news if they recurred now.

I'm doing okay, really. Even on top of Josiah and the whole gulf area. My family dealt with this with my cousin and we'll deal with again, I'm sure. And as I said, things could have been so much worse. I know I will always be so grateful for that last visit. It just breaks my heart to hear all the "grown-ups" in the family, as I instantly retreated to calling them, so heartbroken and devastated. Days after caring for me I now have to care for them, and wonder how much the human heart can take. I'm ready to remember the past and be glad of it, but I think I'm alone.